It must be getting harder and harder for Oasis to write music, either that or they can’t be arsed anymore. Or they’ve just realised that they have enough moron fans to pillage that they can survive on ‘past glories’ (although if anyone knows what these past glories are, write in to the usual address), kinda similar to Morrissey doing Smiths covers live, at least back then he had a reason to be miserable and thus it gave him this edge, this believability which he currently lacks, now he’s rich and has a house in LA, git.

New single ‘Lyla’ is basically just one part repeated over and over again, going nowhere in the process. It’s so bland you’ll be forgiven for thinking your radio has retuned itself to Classic Rock FM. Oasis aren’t the only perpetrators of this ‘repeated riff’ laziness, Queens Of The Stone Age’s ‘Little Sister’ and Daft Punks’ ‘Robot Rock’ are both recent examples that come to mind. Now that’s no excuse you see as both those bands have seen better days, Queens Of The Stone Age in the past would always try and record a song in under five takes or bin it in order to keep that its rawness yet ‘Little Sister’ has been around since their Self Titled debut days. All Oasis have really done here is rip themselves off, but badly thus only the most hardened of NME buying, larger swilling laddos will find this the least bit enjoyable or interesting. Recently I’ve been wishing, well more frequently daydreaming actually, that before its release, all copies of the single will somehow spontaneously combust and resulting melted plastic will conjoin in a ‘Terminator’ style fashion to form a plastic ball, not unlike one of Jordan’s breasts, then magically travel to the Artic to cover up part of the O-Zone layer. At least that way it will be of some use to human kind. Also hopefully Liam and Noel will choke and die on the fumes created by the burning plastic. In reality though I can only hope that people will realise the self disembowelling, substandard, Beatles rip off shit this band have been passing them off with and stop giving them a free ride, and maybe run them over with a bus too, for good measure.

Ali Savafi